BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS

I don't pay close enough attention to even address this issue, but I just gotta say....Whats the big deal with boobs?! Everyone is so up in arms about Miss America (or Miss Universe, or Miss USA, whoever the hell she is...) getting a boob job. It's funny. It's weird that her "manager" paid for them, for sure....but controversial enough for there to be news stories around the topic? NO. The past couple of days, I haven't been able to escape the "implant scandal" for this chick. So she got a boob job...big deal. It's not like she was selling drugs to poor kids. (Though I'm sure she's done some things to that effect)...
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and regarding all the nude photos that seem to come from those Miss Whatever pageants...can't they simply put a box on the application form that says "Check here if you've ever participated in pornography (video, photo, etc)" and if the answer is checked, sorry - you are no longer a running candidate...and if you lie and it comes out later that you have in fact done porn (cuz we all know 90% of them do....) you are immediately stripped of your title...No drama, no court hearing, no media swarming the story...cut and dry, you are done.
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Is it really that difficult? BLAH.

Loyalty to the "Family"

Dear you,

One of my very best friends got married not too long ago. I liked his spouse and tried to get along with her but he has become increasingly withdrawn from our group of friends. We've invited them out with us and they always flake out at the last minute. If we ever do hang out with them it has to be on their terms (their house, a party they are throwing, etc), and more than anything, on his WIFE’S terms. He also acts much different now than he did when we were all single, much more so than can be attributed to increased maturity. Should I keep trying to be a good friend or should I just accept that this person is not the same person I used to know?

Thanks,
Michael Corleone

Dear MC,
So Fredo has broken your heart? Moved on has he? Then YOU SHOULD TOO. If this guy is one of your VERY best friends, and he has dropped you, he doesn’t deserve your loyalty anymore. When we grow up, we have these things called “responsibilities”, and it makes it harder to maintain good friendships, so you should only keep friends in your life that are willing to work as hard as you at having a friendship. Why should you work your tail off for someone who won’t reciprocate your efforts? Sounds like we have a Yoko Ono on our hands. She could be the cause of the fall out. Does your friend hang with his spouse’s friends and family? I bet they do. Black ball that biotch. Usually when people get married, there is a change (for the better) in behavior. Your friend can’t make all the bbq’s and parties because now he has to divide his time in half, that’s normal, but if he’s not making ANY of the parties…it sounds like he’s given you up for his spouse! Not cool; especially with dudes. Girls can be overly sensitive, and a cat fight like this is expected. Girls fight about everything, but for best GUY friends and loyalty? Usually there isn’t much that stands in the way of that…except a she-devil. Come on, we all know it. Unfortunately, as we age, some friends are lifers, while others come and go. I know this is probably a friend you thought would be a lifer, given the fact that you were at some point best friends, but it looks as though the season has passed with this one. Let him go. He’ll realize in 10 years how lonely he is, and how much he misses his TRUE friends. Unless the she-devil kills off his old spirit completely, and if that’s the case, he won’t even remember what he used to be like back in the day, or what he’s missing out on. Dump him. You can do better.
Xoxo,
♥

Date vs. Do

Dear GRG,
I have been at my new job for about six months and love it – the work is challenging and rewarding and it’s a good group of people to boot. One co-worker in particular has made extra effort to befriend me, and not just in a “facebook” kind of way. He and I have a lot in common and in the past few months have become great friends. Where I am impulsive and a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl, he is meticulous and cautious...his risk factor is very low where mine is off the charts. So of course he is the one who decided we shouldn't date because we work together. However, I really want to hit it and quit it – and go back to being friends with him. I told him as much one night while we were hanging out . He said, we can’t date, we work together. I said (and it was and IS the honest truth), oh I don’t want to date you - I just want to do you! Said co-worker/friend was obviously pleasantly shocked and now is turning on the charm full tilt boogie. We spend a lot of time together and our mutual attraction is the big pink elephant in the room, the bomb that could go off at any minute. Okay GRG, can I hit it and quit it with someone I work with – with only a wall separating us 8 hours a day - or should I get real and resist?
Signed,
Frustrated Fraternizer

Dear Frustrated Fraternizer,
First of all, I like your style girl! I got a kick out of reading your email. Though I don’t think you should hit it and quit it, I also don’t think you should totally resist. I am not a fan of the one-nighter, for several reasons, especially in a work environment. It’s hard for me to weigh in on this situation because aside from my personal feelings on the matter, I don’t know your office policies, and whether or not dating in the office is allowed. Usually it’s frowned upon – so I’m going to take it from that point of view. If you work with this man, a one-nighter brings up several concerns that you should think about. What if he tells people at work? What kind of reputation awaits you? How will your superiors view you, if they find out? Could you lose your job over this? So those are the more serious issues with the situation, but I have to ask…If you guys have a lot in common, and get along, and have become great friends, why don’t you want to DATE him? Maybe you’re not in that place in your life, which is fine, but maybe you should think about dating him. Another thing – let’s get real…There is NO such thing as “hit it and quit it”. Once you have shared that intimacy with someone, you can’t just go back to being friends. You can try…but one of three things will happen…1. A one-nighter will turn into casual, frequent sex, 2. one of you will want more from the other (relationship!?), or 3. your rendezvous will make for awkward water cooler conversations, and the friendship will dissipate. However, I don’t think you should totally resist him either. Having a flirty relationship is good for the ego, and let’s face it – it helps the work day move along; there’s nothing wrong with that! Live in the moment…if that bomb goes off, then, so be it, but GRG’s advice is a no-go on the one-nighter, sorry FF. If you decide to throw all caution to the wind, and give in to the temptation, please give GRG a heads up to the juicy drama! A good forbidden love story is my guilty pleasure...
Xoxo,
♥

When Are You Having a Baby?

I was talking to a friend about that annoying question people feel the need to ask. As if it's any of their business! So tacky. My friend had some great responses, so I had to share.

Top 10 Answers to the Question “So when are you having a baby?”
10. As soon as the paper for welfare goes through.
9. Well, my husband is paying child support for his other 6, so financially, its just not a good time.
8. The doctor said I can’t have kids while I’m using.
7. We’re looking for a good egg donor! Are there any genetic diseases in your family?
6. We’re just going to adopt 4 from octomom and call it a day.
5. We’re still working on our tantric technique. No babies until that’s perfected.
4. We want to wait until we’re in our 90’s like the biblical Abraham!
3. We’re waiting for free health care! Cross your fingers!
2. Well, we might be having one in 8 months, but we’ll have to get a paternity test first.
1. WORST ECONOMY IN 80 YEARS!!! Ask the Republicans when I’m having a baby!

Xoxo,

♥ GRG

New Me vs. Old Me

Dear Get Real Girl,
I am currently going through a divorce because I've started realizing how much I’ve changed the last few years; I’ve become someone I'm not and I'm working toward finding the real me again. As I'm going through this period in my life, I've gotten back in touch with an ex of mine. We're just friends and our relationship has been strictly platonic since we've reconnected-for the most part. I'm not saying I plan to date him when the divorce is finalized but I have to admit the idea has crossed my mind. There is definitely chemistry between us, definitely a bond. Is it ok that I'm leaning on an ex and being flirty with him through my divorce? Is it wrong to move into this so quickly?
Thanks
The New Me

Dear New Me,
Ha! Almost sounds like I’m talking to myself. Am I? Ok, losing focus here. So we’ve got a little bit of a conundrum, do we? Have no fear, GRG is here. When it comes to “platonic” relationships, be VERY careful. It’s the age old question of “Can a man and a woman have a platonic relationship; or does one or the other always want something physical to come from it?” If you are going through a divorce, it obviously means that you are no longer in love with your soon-to-be ex-husband. It’s inevitable that you WILL be dating again, and you will move on to someone else. Timing is everything. Though your ex-boyfriend holds no bearings on your current situation, the excitement of that relationship may bleed over into your marriage, and make things a little fuzzy. I’m sure it’s natural to feel slightly vulnerable, and you might even crave a little male affection at the moment. Try very hard to be mindful of this at all times. My advice to you: Distant yourself from this ex. An occasional email, or text message saying hello might be ok, but anything further, and you’re playing with fire. You are technically still married, even if your heart isn’t in it, so flirting is probably inappropriate. If this ex is a good friend, and a shoulder to lean on through this difficult time, make sure it stays at the friend level, at least until your divorce is finalized. The last thing you want is to end up in the classic “rescue” relationship, where you feel your ex saved you from your bad marriage. This situation usually does not end well for anyone. Just keep the ex at a respectable distance, and you should be ok. Also be mindful of the possibility that your ex-boyfriend makes you feel like the old you. Reminiscing on old times can definitely be therapeutic when going through a difficult situation. But you don’t want to be the OLD you, you’re striving for the NEW you! Please keep GRG informed on THAT situation, and how it works out!!! I’m dying to know if ex-boyfriend turns into something MORE!

Xoxo,

♥ GRG

Women Who Love Too Much

Dear Get Real Girl,

I just came out of a long heartbreaking relationship and have recently started dating a really great guy. He always has "future plans" for us and starts many sentences with "If we got married...." "My wife will have...." " When you're ready...." He is very attentive and spoils me. I don't think I go an hour without hearing from him in some way, via e-mail, phone, or a simple text saying he misses me. After knowing him for only 4 months he tells me he loves me, but also acknowledges that I don't need to feel the same way back. He says that "you can't win if you never take a chance", so he's putting his heart out on the line and will wait for me as long as he needs to. He lives in a world of black and white, yes or no, there is hardly any grey. Although I really enjoy our time together and am not closed to the possibilities of having a serious relationship far off in the future, I can't help but feel that I should take a serious amount of time to just find myself again. I have expressed my feelings and concerns and he listens to me and validates me in many ways, but I feel that Romeo is still pressuring for more. Am I just not ready for dating or is dating during this time an obstacle to the goal of finding myself? I have found that by dating and sharing time with friends and people it helps me learn more of who I am, but where is the line between learning, distracting, and just going with the flow?
Help!

Dear Woman Who Loves Too Much,

PUMP THE BRAKES!!! Romeo is definitely coming on too strong. It’s great that he is being honest with you, and telling you up front how he feels. I am a big advocate for honesty, so kudos to him for that. However, it seems that he can’t take a hint that you need for him to slow down. Perhaps it's not a clear message how much of a break you need? Do you tend to let his behavior slip, if it benefits you, but if it doesn't, it just annoys you? Sure, he may be SAYING he’ll wait forever and give you all the time you need, but with his constant nagging on the subject, he really isn’t following through with his word. My advice to you is to take a break from men. Period. If you have just ended a long, heartbreaking relationship, you need time to heal. You need time to refocus and learn who you are. It’s time for you to be selfish, and discover who you are, independent from a partner. Friends can be a great support through this time, but boyfriends and dating should take a back seat. Why? Because any healthy dating relationship is about give and take. That’s what makes it work. However, if you’re not in a place to GIVE, you shouldn’t be taking. Romeo may be dealing with it now, but as time goes on, he’s only going to grow resentful of the fact that he does everything for you, and gets nothing in return. Everyone has a breaking point…he just hasn’t reached it yet. You’re on the right path to a normal breakup. You’ve have your rebound, so it’s time to refocus on you, and actually MOVE ON from your heartbreak. Don't fall into love so quickly, especially with someone that you feel you are indebted to because he's been good to you. If there is really something special between you two, it will be there when your alone time is over. Help him understand that by finding yourself, and becoming a better, stronger person, it will benefit your future relationships, and allow you to be a giver, as well as a receiver.

Finding oneself can be a long journey. Do we ever truly “find” ourselves? Isn’t life also about constantly learning, constantly pushing ourselves to new levels, and discovering ALL the things we are capable of doing? I don’t believe we find ourselves at a certain age and stay that way. We’re continuously growing and adapting, so don’t hold out too long on the dating game. I can’t tell you how long you need, because that depends too much on your previous relationship and breakup, but I can tell you that AT LEAST 1 month of total YOU time is appropriate. Your big challenge now will be telling Romeo to back off. If he’s already in contact with you hourly, this is going to be a huge adjustment for him. Set a firm boundary with him. Draw that line in the sand, and STICK to your word. If you can’t hold out on your end, if you cave in the next time he arrives with chocolates, flowers, and a sonnet, you’re only telling him if he works hard enough, he’ll always be able to wiggle his way into your life. So stick to your guns, and stop loving so much. I look forward to hearing from you again!

Xoxo,
♥

Dating Department 101

Dear Get Real and Deal,

I am dating so many men. It is fun for the most part, but usually I just feel overwhelmed by it and honestly would prefer not to continue with so many people. However I feel I should be dating a lot of people in order to 1. be able to find the best one for myself and the one I want the most, and 2. because it seems that this is the best way to keep a man interested. It appears to me that the more you are into just one man, the less he pursues. But I could be wrong of course. I would appreciate any advice you may give :)

-Playa'

Dear Playa,

Finding The One. If only there was a simple, mathematical process to make Mr. Perfect fall at our feet, but there isn't. Dating can be very daunting. So many first impressions, first dates, first kisses, etc. Don't get me wrong, all those things can be magical, and fun...but if you've got too many men at once, it can turn into a series of unfortunate events.

Finding a good balance is needed. Dating several people at once is normal, healthy, and a great way to narrow the playing field into possible marriage candidates. Be open, and honest with all those you date, so they know you're dating more than one person at a time. This will keep yourself free from lying, and worrying about excuses, etc. It is also a strong reflection of your integrity. If a guy can't handle that he's not the only one, it's his job to either walk, or tell you he wants to be more serious. The most important thing is that you're honest, with them, and yourself.

My advice is to narrow your playing field to several (aka no more than 3) candidates. Which ones do you have the most chemistry with? Who are you into physically? emotionally? spiritually? mentally? Find the ones that you relate to the most, and run with that.

Men do seem to enjoy The Chase a little more than women, and whether or not they'll stick around after The Catch is unknown. But it shouldn't take too long to figure out if the heat is gone after the initial Catch. This is why I think dating someone exclusive for a long period of time (aka more than 6 months) is very important. Standing the test of time is an easy way to see if the chemistry fades, or remains.

Hey, if it doesn't pan out, you can always go back to the drawing board and pick more players!

Xoxo,

♥

Welcome!

Alright - here goes. I look forward to giving out free, fantastic advice (HA). What's on your mind today? Let's get real, and deal with some issues, hmmm?